jumpingjacktrash:

eh-fandomtrash:

questionsofmuggles:

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Could you imagine being Voldemort’s brother if you weren’t at all interested in his genocide, and have to spend all of your time proving to everyone else that you don’t support what he’s doing?

Even worse, imagine being his identical twin. So you not only have to prove that you’re not like him, but also that you’re literally not him.

I’m just picturing this kind of lame, not super interesting guy. His name is something pedestrian, similar to Tom. Something like Bob. Bob Riddle. He was probably a Hufflepuff. He’s got some low-level job, like as a Welcome Wizard at St. Mungo’s. His love life is non-existent, because the only people who want to date someone who looks exactly like Voldemort are the kind of people who marry convicted serial killers.

But Bob’s unexciting life is constantly made exciting by people throwing stuff at him, cursing at him, literally cursing him, and/or arresting him on a daily basis.

The Daily Prophet constantly speculates about whether or not he actually does support Voldemort, and the Quibbler says he doesn’t exist at all, that Bob is actually just Voldemort trying to earn minimum wage so as to sponsor his genocide. Media headlines dub him “Lord Voldeborb.” So Bob has a series of memoirs published to prove how dissimilar he is to his brother.

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And eventually having all these books written about him convinces him that he can write. So he writes an autobiography about how boring his life is.

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OMG.

I love it.

Peak comedy.

lord voldeborb and the nose

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