lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order

• and floridians are just as human as you and me!
• and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska
• you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones
• it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford
• i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 
• we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 
• they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 
• i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!
• archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.
• sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it
• archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 
• once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too
• the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska,  saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed

additional quotes

• ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us,  pottery analysts
• i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.
• archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.
• do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!
• usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard
• it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.
•  i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff
• usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic
• no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.
• don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now,  that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government
• by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.
• everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day
• the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”
• nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible
• this is incredible! all it takes is a computer the size of this room!

even more from the margins of my notebook!

• when in doubt, it’s ritualistic
• coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over
• i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early 
• they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.
• what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.
• things come and go but pottery is forever
• i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations. 
• and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!
• please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.
• normally i would say this blackboard is a feature because it isn’t portable and can’t be moved but this is a community college so who knows